02/28/10 - Bulletproofing Your Marriage PT3 - Pastor Tony Ashmore

Pastor Tony Ashmore continues the series "Bulletproofing Your Marriage" with part 3 in this Sunday service.

Bulletproofing Your Marriage PT3
Pastor Tony Ashmore
Wednesday, February 28, 2010

www.churchatmirrorlake.com


Sermon Notes:

Bulletproofing Your Marriage

1 Peter 5:8 “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

The “Bullets” Aimed at Marriage:
1. Unrealistic Expectations
2. Forgetting Who You Married:
3. External Stressors
4. Average (accepting anything less than God’s best for your marriage)
5. Divorce

Malachi 2:16 (MESSAGE) “God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that's what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you.”

1. 2 words that make great marriages.
a. Respect and Love (Ephesians 5: 33 )
b. About respect:
a. It’s a gift. Respect is given, not earned.
b. It makes a place for humility, which disarms hiding and power struggles.
c. About love:
a. It’s not an emotion; it is an expression of the nature of God. It is a verb.
b. It covers a multitude of sin, which disarms blame-shifting and disconnection.
d. A marriage filled with respect and love will be a safe place for both husband and wife.

Ephesians 5: 28So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:(AMP) 33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

1 Corinthians 13: 4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 8Love will last forever…

2. Watch your mouth.
a. Speak life about your mate and your marriage. Don’t give in to the pressure to mock and belittle marriage. Take every opportunity to brag about your marriage. Remember, Jesus said you can have what you say!
b. Protect your mate and your marriage with your words, actions, and your deeds.
c. Work your problems out with your spouse, not with your friends, or even your parents. James Dobson’s study on the biggest killers of marriage found “in-laws” was always in the Top 10. Find trusted Biblical mentors who can stay non-judgmental and life-giving. (Obviously, this does not apply to abusive situations.)

Matthew 12: 37For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

Romans 12:2 (JBP): Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould…
Ecclesiastes 12: 11The words of the wise prod us to live well. They're like nails hammered home, holding life together. They are given by God, the one Shepherd.

3. What we have here is an opportunity to communicate.
a. Learn to disagree in a healthy way.
a. Don’t keep score.
b. Avoid generalizations
c. Make your bed a sacred place where arguing is banned. Don’t go to bed mad.
d. Learn to agree to disagree.
b. Don’t threaten each other with the “D” word. If you say it enough you will begin to think it is an option. Use the C word. (commitment)
c. 4 Communication Killers:
1. Criticism: attacks on character and worth that target the shortcomings of the other
2. Contempt: intentionally abusing your spouse – verbally, emotionally, and psychologically. Contempt expresses the complete absence of any admiration and is delivered with insults, name-calling, hostile humor, mockery, and body language.
3. Defensiveness: a way of sidestepping responsibility
4. Stone-walling: Rather than dealing directly with the issue or with our partner, we check out by tuning out, turning away, engaging in busyness or obsessive behaviors. We simply stop relating to the most important people in our lives.

Proverbs 18:21Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit--you choose.

4. Sizzlin’ Sex.
a. Learn to talk with each other about your likes and dislikes. (Men, make it enjoyable for her too)
b. Be adventurous, spontaneous and make some noise.
c. If something feels especially good, tell your spouse while it is happening!
d. Develop an atmosphere of mutual respect. “If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then I don’t want it.”
e. Never use sex as a weapon.
f. 3 tips for sizzlin’ sex that lasts a lifetime:
1. Eyes open.
2. Lights on.
3. Call each other by name.

Hebrews 13: 4Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled…

1 Corinthians 7: 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. 5So do not deprive each other of sexual relations.

5. We’ve fallen and we can get up.
a. Pre-Divorce:
a. Take responsibility for your behavior. Repent, seek and give forgiveness. It’s a new day.
b. Patience. You don’t turn a ship around quickly, especially one that’s was sinking. Requires some bailing, some repairing, some cooperation before you can turn it around.
c. Start doing what great marriages do. Surround yourself with them.
b. Post-Divorce:
a. Repent, forgive yourself, forgive others. Recognize the baggage and accept it in a healthy way. Remember, divorce is not the “unforgivable sin” regardless of what religion has said.
b. Get healthy before considering another mating relationship. (2 greatest commandments)

Revelation 21:5 “Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.”